My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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