Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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