I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
