He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
