she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
