if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
