you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
