Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize