I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
