I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
