Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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