I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
