No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
