Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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