The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
