The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
