i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
