she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
