why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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