if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
