I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
