college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
