I puked a lego.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
