i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
