I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
