Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
