If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
