i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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