I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
