Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
