I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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