He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
