I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
