I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
