i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
