Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
