she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
