It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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