I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
