cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
