Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
