He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
