this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
