had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
