love makes seman taste better
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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