this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize