It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize