I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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