Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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