is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
