If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize