The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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