I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
