when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize