how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
