Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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