You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
