Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
