I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
