she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
