The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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