You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
