You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
