He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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