very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
