I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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