you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
