Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
