i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
