Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
