omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
