Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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