uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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