i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
