If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want nice things and good sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
