I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
