Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
